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I was out with a good girlfriend musician who after a child-bearing hiatus is thinking of going back to performance. We talked a little of fame after going to Adriano Zumbo’s bakery and talking to the man himself who has been on tv here in recent years. My girlfriend went all starstruck and girly which was lovely to see. One of the topics we talked of was being on public display, something I know a bit about.

One of the things I have noticed again of late is the fact that I seem to be or feel I need to be always ready to be on public display. It’s not fame or even notoriety for anything more notable than I get around in a wheelchair.

The basis for the attention ranges from nosiness such as these comments to me in the last week from grownup meant I met for the first time on the train system.

• “How does the chair work?”
• When do you charge it?
• ” I think you’re rear tyre is falling off.” (it wasn’t and no he wasn’t trying to be helpful)
• “you need a pouch on the side of the chair like this (gestures with hands)”
• “Can you sleep in a normal umm bed?”

It goes from the benign to the ridiculous. From nosy (above) to rude and curious or companionable (“I have a friend/sister/third cousin 6 times removed who broke her legs, so I know what its like”, “Do you know a guy named Bill (since you both are like that)?)

I feel I have a responsibility to be the most generous positive version of myself I can be. For all sorts of reasons. One of these reasons is the sense that I want to give the public especially children a positive experience of disability, if I am the first part of their education in that area. Sometimes that onus gets a wee bit too heavy, but it’s a hard one to shake.

Children of a particular height/age can be very funny; trying to work out how I’m moving myself, or why my “pram” is so different or why I’m such a big baby. I usually try to smile and say hello if I’m close enough. I do try hard not to laugh too hard when the child is staring so hard they walk into a wall (on more than occasion). I’m a little impressed when a restless or upset child can be suddenly quieted merely by being dumbfounded at the sight of me rolling about doing my business.

The attention is by no means constant; at least the comments and the wish to stroke my hair or pat me aren’t. The readiness must be. Especially when I don’t have a normal looking person with me it seems.

By the way, as someone who doesn’t like macaroons the one’s at Adriano’s were sublime. Go there! There’s even a ramp!

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This one was different. It advertised the joy of completion like most do but put the joy of the completion where, I believe, it belongs; with the parties to the sale not with the agent or the agency.

It read “purchased”. That’s it.

Not a great big red, “look what we’ve done” sold sign or worse yet a sold by <insert agent name and phone number> sign. I’m not waiting for dancing pompom people.

It was subtle, unobtrusive and thereby effective.

Thanks Agency by 

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Photo courtesy the voice Australia website.

Here’s the performance.

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It was all balanced okay, remarkably well in fact, but I really must have looked like a sight!

At some point rolling home at about 9:30, 10 mins from home my jacket which although it is leather was cheap and from Target a few years ago really really works for me fell off. I noticed a couple of minutes later, but figured with the transfers I had done it was long gone and was with any luck keeping a homeless person warm.

I’ve never had much luck finding things I have dropped, but I was convinced to go back and look.

And lo and behold on the road, I found it!

Yay.

I’ll keep looking for things now.

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On the back of my miserableness and effective house self arrest and after a difficult night last night I am today, well en route to feeling back to my semi sparkling self.

I saw and felt sunshine.

I saw and spoke to outside human beings.

I drank coffee and ate salad.

I finished Christmas shopping for last year. Yes yes I know, but my girlfriend and her hubby (the iPumpkins mentioned here) believe Christmas is whenever you decree it (at least in terms of the get-together, if not the birth of Christ stuff, although there is little if any proof that the birth was ever the 25th December anyway so ….) On that basis Christmas iPumpkin style is this Saturday night. On that basis I hurriedly raced round the shops doing the last bits and pieces and making shop assistants smile at the thought that I was still doing my Christmas shopping!

I saw birds and water.

I wrote.

I felt useful.

I didn’t feel ill.

All in all a good day.

Thanks for the concern all

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