Category Archives: self

A card carrying bone fide

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Yippee I think! I’m officially still a disabled person again as far as an airline is concerned. The wheelchair or the fact that they have loaded it or me before is apparently not enough evidence. I need to have the right “card” telling them and me that yes I am in fact disabled. All the proof I need that I was neither imagining nor dreaming this life long pain arrived in the pobox today!! ;) next time I express any pride on having been a bureaucrat bop me one.

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The email I wrote for international day last year

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Dear All,

I’m sending this out on a personal note.

In simple terms this email is a thank you. It is international Day of People with Disability. I refuse to deal with Christmas till after today every year!

Regardless of how stage managed events around it need to become to raise the profile, IDPwD is intensely personal and profound for me.This year it is quite emotional for me. For me it is an opportunity to take a big breathe and acknowledge the journey, the wins, the losses and the inevitable work arounds. This starts with looking at my own life and using that reflection to look outwards. It involves giving thanks to all the powers that might be and to those in my circle who give me strength and courage and other resources to make “it” happen. You are each getting this because you have personally helped me “run that gauntlet”

Interestingly, looking out for a minute I see a big disconnect between parts of the messages that are being sent out this year. Domestically we are being told to celebrate the successes and the achievements and while fighting for the NDIS, keep it light and fluffy and a-political, This is even though there are enough people with disability to fill Victoria and we are under-utilised and more likely to be in all sorts of other not-nice minorities as a result .

On the other hand, the United Nations who proclaimed the annual observance in 1992 still tell us that:

“Persons with disabilities make up an estimated 15 per cent of the world’s population. Almost one-fifth of the estimated global total of persons living with disabilities, or between 110-190 million, encounter significant difficulties. Furthermore, a quarter of the global population is directly affected by disability, as care-givers or family members.
Persons with disabilities encounter many disadvantages in their societies and are often subjected to stigma and discrimination. They remain largely marginalized, disproportionately poorer, frequently unemployed and have higher rates of mortality. Furthermore, they are largely excluded from civil and political processes and are overwhelmingly voiceless in matters that affect them and their society”

I think this is a call to action if ever I heard one!

I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle and that for those of us who are “active participants” have the balancing act ongoing. It is because of people like you that I find the strength “to run the race before me”, even if we never talk about disability! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. . It takes courage to be sit on the margins. The marginalisation may have have changed but it is still present and I still feel it so thanks for the gifts of courage I am given in the big and small ways..

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it was a time

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Whoa what a strange week. Global and local highs and lows. Not sure what the parallels are if any but I think there will be some.

It was a really personal time me, it was my birthday.
It was a time for new technology, my own and others.
It was a time for the best shower of my life, when I had been ready to accommodate and adapt.
It was a time for good friends from near and far.
It was a time for new barriers and new vision.
It was a time to mourn and celebrate.

 

Whole chapters of this blog  could and might yet be written about any one of these lines, but the need to say a lot has paralysed me from saying anything and so I post.

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Moments with Socrates — making choices

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My recent readings having included re-reading Socrates’ Apology (as reported we think by Plato).

A passage has struck me: — apologies for the gendered language

 

“You are mistaken, my friend, if you think that a man who is worth anything ought to spend his time weighing up the prospects of life and death. He has only one thing to consider in performing any action; that is, whether he is acting rightly or wrongly, like a good man or a bad one” 27B-28C

 

 

 

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Five

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Five years. People talk about five years like it’s a long time. It is, and it isn’t.

Five years ago today I started work back in Australia after what can loosely be described as “time away”. I re-entered the disability sector. I re-entered the Church (which in my case eventually included becoming a Catholic). Five years ago, I was single, and hurting.

I can remember waking up at stupid o’clock on the morning of 8 May. I have known for some three weeks then I would be starting in this job. I had in fact already been to a quarterly meeting the Thursday prior with one of my colleagues who I had known previously leaning back watching a slideshow demonstrating some of the problems that I would be dealing with. I suspect part of him was relieved that among his busy roles, someone else would be dealing with access–whatever that term means. However, it was still my first day in that role.

Anyway, all suited up, I arrived at work, on the early bus and was sitting outside a nearby church a little after eight o’clock. I had been asked not to start before 9:30 AM on that occasion. I remember feeling nervous.  I remember the sunshine. I remember trying to empty my head so that I could focus on the day. I also remember feeling powerful and having a real sense of the possible. As it turned out, a lot was possible. But I was still very naive in some ways as to what I was taking on. Who knows what a bit of extra knowledge would have done.

I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately. The wasting of it. The good use of it. The goals we set and forget. The goals we remember. The visions we have for which we have some responsibility, and those that are more esoteric.

Matt’s post on creating time for your life, was good for me. I started thinking about the passage of time. Then, at the conference, five articulate advocates were asked to share five ways that they hoped the disability sector would be different in five years. Ramp Up’s editor very articulately made the case that there was a lot more than five things that she wanted. It was the only time at the conference that I was close to tears (well no, but the only presentation that brought me close to tears).

In another part of my life–blogging  Danimezza shares powerfully and intimately the journey she has taken through time, including importantly the stuff we choose not to speak about on our blogs. You go girl! I’m proud to be a lurker on your blog. Blogging can be hard if you can’t be (or don’t want to be) classified as a particular “type” of blogger. I’m often just an “other”–a position I’m fairly used to.

I didn’t think today would be a review day. But I’m glad it is. In case you are interested tomorrow I will do my five things. But I want today to think about it.

 

What’s on your agenda for the next five years?

 

 

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the dichotomy of me today

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I’m swooning a bit today. Floating in the way I have been doing in the last few days, between, welcoming thinking too much, too deeply and feeling too much and not wanting to think feel or even do anything.

I crave conversation. I crave silence. I want to read. I need to write. I want a force-field around me protecting me from the bumps of all sorts, I want engagement.

I want to live in a true bustling creative dialogue of a city, where at 1 am you can still eat, drink, talk, be.

I want to join a monk and meditate and sleep and serve in silence and sleep from dark.

I want to change the world. And yet I don’t. I want to stay in bed. I want to travel.

I want to eat beans and rice and drink green tea. I want to immerse myself in rich wine cheese, flavours from the four corners.

I’m a bit of everything. Today.

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My online memberships: Boutiques.com

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Inspired by Steph here is my Boutique.com membership –for ideas mostly

my "boutique on Boutiques.comRoughly once a week I’ll put one of memberships online up in case you are interested in other things I do online

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Monday at 3:30 AM

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I had great plans for today. I had a bit of an enforced break last week and although I took my laptop, some new billing software and at least a half baked desire to do work I found myself needing to rest again and playing computer games and watch YouTube videos of programs I had seen before and could more or less recite. It was a good rest and then last night I just could not sleep once wide awake and lay awake, with my wheelchair unable to be unplugged until the morning. For example, I was going to write 1000 words plus of my novel for NaNoWriMo–National Novel Writing Month, which are known about since I was in uni but it never actually been disciplined enough to finish. I’ve only got 200 words written so far and a busy month ahead in  other ways. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

So I am clearly exhausted. My eyes are smarting. My back hurts and my concentration and speech are equally sloppy. Yet I still strangely feel inspired. Lazy sloppy inspired.

It was interesting and peaceful though in watching the light change in a somewhat less familiar environment this morning accompanied by the occasional hum from the fridge and the noises of nocturnal animals and neighbours next door. There was a calming rhythm watching the world wake once I’ve decided that flight was not to be mine.

And as I finally rose at 5:15 in the morning, it was only then that the birds tweeted their first greetings. It felt poetic and beautiful.

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growing my leaves

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It’s been a difficult week again. A few things that will I know only seem significant to me. At the beginning of the week I had lots of writing ideas. Now I don’t. But I cane say the Willows leaves are growing again.

By Friday I had “crashed”out and was shattered so after coffee with a friend who had a dream about me, I went home determined to finish some work so long overdue. Only to discover that my other server was down and will be back today. I wasn’t feeling well enough to go out. So I googled. Within minutes I found myself watching of all things youtube videos of the American TV shows, the Bachelor and the Bachelorette. Back to back. Sad? Yes possibly. Distraction? Yes. More importantly although I am well aware it is contrived, it made me smile and hope. I almost believe now that manners are not dead, at least not yet.

I started with the London Calling season. Despite the english angle, I couldn’t attach to the women or the catyness. After having difficulty finding other seasons to watch on YouTube I found season 14 Jake Pavelka “on the Wings of Love”, and it predecessor with Gillian. A nice guy with faith and manners and some good women. Google brings up some gossip and the sad news that they are over. But as I said in the note I left on his website; it was nice to see someone who believes in manners of my generation without prudishness.

It wasn’t that I needed to renew my faith in only men per se, but humanity. It did.

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a night of chill

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After watching the Federal government election debate online tonight (don’t get me started about how underwhelmed I feel at this point about this election despite my usual interest) I waited.

I was supposed to go to Melbourne again this last weekend, but once again couldn’t so spent most of the weekend, doing “workish” stuff and waiting. Trying to just chill a bit. Not entirely successful (as my Saturday 6 word entry indicates) I felt strange awkward and strangely alone. I wasn’t altogether traumatised by the feeling. Just trying to work out where I fit these days and how I feel about that. As well as what I actually enjoy and what I don’t.

Oh dear it sounds so morbid if you say it like that. It was a pleasant difficult but oh-so-honest ride. I’m glad I’m here now.
I listened to various musics; all good but none just right.

Then the gifts arrived from Melbourne, from the intensely practical thermal shirt, to another hat, to the incredible intense music of the band I was to travel to the launch of their album. Daquqi is helping me be.

I am lifted by their equation. I thanked her. I thank her again.

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