Category Archives: just life n times

Tuesday/Wednesday tiny; Maybe not such a dork these days

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Tried to post this yesterday, but only just discovered it didn’t go

Maybe this insecurity is born out of being teased at school I’m not sure but I always get a jolt of pleasure when I notice strangers reading the same books as I’ve read, listening to music that I’m even unlikely to bring out at a dinner party or playing a game on iPad/iPhone that I’m embarrassed to admit that I love (to the extent that I usually reserve it for the bathroom).

While family and friends are generally a different matter; with strangers I’ve tended to hide my taste or lack of it in such things, considering myself somewhere between a renaissance woman, an old soul or just plain dorky.

So when in the last week or so I’ve noticed separate women, roughly matching my demographic reading a book I’m also reading, listening to music that I recognised as in my “might be dorky” collection and playing a game on an iPad ( and she looked like she was further ahead on it than me)I smiled broadly. Maybe I’m not so much of a dork these days

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Feeling funk-y

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An email to a legal eagle friend of mine regarding dinner tonight. Yes it’s another self indulgent no real detail post but its a good piece of writing and this is my blog after all!

subject: due disclaimers

Hi Mr Eagle

I’m sort of in the mood to write this rather than text. Perhaps in the writing I will in and of myself feel better. But I thought that i had better give you the option to back out of tonight.

It’s not health related at all but a whole lot of very minor and not so minor things are leaving me feeling flat and very humph as well as frustrated, from the personal to the beauracratic (” are you sure Nicol is REALLY your last name?”), from noise to pedestrian, from being too invisible, to too visible at the same time, from the individual to the collective, from wanting to be thanked for my generosity more in some cases to wanting to be anonymously kind in others, from wanting some people to ask me for help, to wanting others to quit taking advantage of me, from wanting to be out in the beautiful weather to wanting to curl up in a ball in the dark, from wanting stodgy rich food while simultaneously being a health nut.

It’s just one of those days and no it isn’t tired. I’m well rested and feeling ok considering. It’s just a funk and seeing you would no doubt help. But if the idea of me lamenting the dichotomous absurdities and frustrations of life is unappealing or even not saying anything on the topic I will understand, :-) Consider thyself warned and all disclaimers being now duly tendered in this case, in the matter of “Should “Mr Eagle and Joanna dine tonight?”, speak now or forever hold your piece :-)

love,
Joanna

Ps I do feel better having written this :-)
PPS Maybe I should stop reading books on finding happiness!

By the way, he said yes to dinner! How lucky am I?

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What will

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I was reading a series of blog postsfrom Beth on a 10 week read along she did of the Willpower Experiement. I haven’t read the book ( though it is on my wish list now). It seems like the book was written for me. It’s not that I always fail to follow through but personally driven, personally focused committments over multiple days is hard for me.

For example it was time for me to do my annual GTD tweaking. This time however, having fallen off the wagon almost entirely so think of it more as a decluttering detoxing rebuild of a very ill GTD system.

So this weekend officeworks and I became well acquainted and I have a beautiful office space; complete this time with a working tickler and reference filing thanks to a working filing cabinet which I have resisted to greater or lesser degrees in previous rollouts. One of my main rationalisations being that being computer savvy, I would of course scan every bill and other documument into a perfectly ordered system of virtual filing with full and consistent backup and redundancy!

Ha! And we now return you to your regularly scheduled program: reality. So I’ve started with the filing system and with my somewhat consistent efforts to purge the office here, my “girl den” as I’ve taken to calling it, is looking good, even a tad sparse.

It is now a beautiful space. It is clean and crisp. I even got a spontaneous “oh wow” from a visitor after it was done for the day. I was and am proud. I haven’t done the mind sweep David Allen suggests you start with because I have learnt that while it is neccessary to do that step and thoroughly I can get bogged down in it and not get beyond a project list that looks and feels unwieldy and unforgiving.

So today I tried sorting the bedside shelves which is where I want to store my shoes- in pairs ideally, fancy that and atop which I house my equally disorganised jewellery case. That was today’s project and it was an excavation in itself as we’ll as a high exposure to dust! But yes I got there.

So in one way, yes I did good. I continued decluttering and took on another bite sized activity while maintaining the clean and clear surfaces.

So the other side of my pride and going back to my original musings about willpower I havent really continued on with the project I started on only yesterday. Although what I did do today was great, I’m a little angry that I didn’t have the staying power to even do a two day project. I get excited when I finish a set of post-it notes rather than lose or de-sticky them through carelessness because right now it seems so unlike me to follow through or finish anything!

Leaning back and trying to be self-kind now, there are two things that stand out from the blog posts.

  • Choose one thing at first to develop will power for: decluttering, going to bed early, writing, drinking water and do a little bit each day. I guess this is among other things the idea that neither Rome nor our willpower were built in a day.
  • The second was a tip with I think very broad application; about time. Quoting the author of the blog now:

    “Studies show that most people, like Sonnet and I, “wrongly predict we will have much more free time in the future than we do today” (p. 94). What’s helping me is to find a way to get ever-closer to my goal of a decluttered house, even though I’m busy. For me, this means one clutter spot (sometimes a very small one!) per weekday. Even on extra-busy days, I can usually do that. And if I do miss a day, I just make sure I’m extra-motivated to pick up where I left off the next day.”.

So for me, being as realistic as I can about the time and resource available, I’m going to try and sort my intray for an hour into the right context lists and remember to whiten my teeth tomorrow night.

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But something I did like

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Was Meg Wolfe‘s The Minimalist Woman and the follow up The Minimalist Woman’s Guide to Having it All. Buying the latter especially in light of the whole minimalism philosophy and my own, did indeed feel a little counter intuitive! But both books were each useful.

I seem to be on a gentle quest of self-development. I dare not speak too loudly of it as experience has taught me that if I start striving after self-development, I crash and burn.

So mini steps (micro rolls) are working for me.

  • I’m getting a little better at boundaries. Long long way to go here, but I’m not turning myself inside out to fit other’s schedules or more likely lack of them.
  • I’ve bought yoghurt, nuts and protein drinks and am eating them as snacks. This increase in fibre and protein has had an impact, some of it a little inconvenient.
  • I’m using things up before I toss them.
  • So far I’d decided I’m going to use up my other perfumes before I replace my favourite one.
  • Despite the stack, I’m trying to read a book or two to the end before starting a new one.
  • every time I leave this room I try and toss a piece of rubbish.

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Friday fashion: the first question

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Recently, I volunteered to be part of a media or research project on disability and fashion. The co-ordination was done by a Dr Jill Bamforth a social research academic from Melbourne with an eye for fashion and an awareness that there must be challenges finding clothes that work on any number of levels for people with disabilities. She was also aware that there would be an unmet market that wasn’t necessarily being served currently.

After at least two brief phone calls that had technically or timing issues in which we established among other things, that; I didn’t like centre-back zips, can’t wear pantyhose, but can do thigh highs but don’t like the limited range (even now when there is a decent range in pantyhose as there has been recently in Australia). She then sent me 11 insightful questions, inviting me to answer without the pressure to answer them all. After that was an equally insightful hour-long phone call.

As with most well-written surveys on topics you have at least a passing interest in, the process of thinking that went into the preparation of my answers was fascinating.

Here was the first Q and A

1. You say (as others do) that it is important to dress in a professional way in order to be taken seriously at work. What does this kind of dressing entail – a suit/make up/ heels/hair cuts and colour, for instance?

How long have you got…. It involves all of those things above and balancing them out for an overall effect, based not only on the event you are planning for and the impact you want to make (same for everyone I guess) but how physically you are feeling (energy) and what parts of your body are working and what sort of movement you are anticipating — transfers etc.

For example I have two pairs of very different work shoes, that from the top(the way most people will see my feet) look very similar. This is deliberate. However, if I wear the higher heels (which are more comfy on my footplate) and my foot goes into spasm, my ankle gets twisted and it becomes a painful and visual distraction tht can last hours.

In addition as a wheelchair user I am viewed as sitting even when I’m moving which changes the parts of my outfits and body that are visually apparent.My breasts and my shins are more visible than my waist or whether I’m a pear or apple. So traditional fashion advice or mannequins are only so useful.

Also the wheelchair in one way is a fashion accessory and frames me so I dress to either not clash with it, or to complement it. Trying to igbnore it has not worked in the past. Keep in mind though that you want to be distinguishable from the chair at all times.

In the more traditional version of your question, yes all these things you mention contribute. I always tend to up dress because I get judged already on the fact I sit. I don’t wear a tracksuit at all except in bed. I always wear foundation. It might be vanity but the logic is to come over as a grown up, let alone a professional. I’m in my 30’s.

She was interested in the wheelchair as accessory bit, which I might go into on another occasion.

 

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Confession — iTunes

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I’ve got a nasty habit of downloading movies and TV shows that either aren’t good for me, or I’ve seen them before, or even worse I already own them – in hard or soft copy. That was the case with Julie and Julia last night, which I had already rented and enjoyed and now own.

 

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ode to a kitchen

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I didn’t realise that the apricot kitchen at my mother’s house in Orange meant so much to me until she told me last night by phone that she is having it renovated for the 1st time ever in what I think is nearly 20 years. It was largely built for teaching daughters who sit in wheelchairs how to cook I think. I don’t remember actually being taught much actual cooking. Like many homes, it was and probably will remain the heart of the home. It does need renovating; the laminates bench top in apricot looks dated, and with me out of the home the majority of the bench space is now too low for my mother. It probably always was, but she is starting to feel it.

I don’t get home much these days. Even when I am home I don’t cook much in that kitchen, circumstantial and not opportunity. However, I could cook there. Just knowing it was there made me feel better about all the kitchens before and since that haven’t worked. In the back of my mind, I knew there was a kitchen that worked. I knew it was possible to design a kitchen that worked without it looking too much like it belonged in a hospital, or in a rehab facility. To me anyway.

In watching all the Masterchef stuff on TV and reading cookbooks, I’ve learnt how to cook in kitchens that aren’t designed for me. I can make it work in this new kitchen and in whatever other future kitchen I work in. I can still be a foodie. I can still sit on cushions when I need to see into pots. But I am the only person I know who likes to cook who prefers electricity on their hotplates than gas. I put that down to my mother and her willingness to put any kitchen that I could use when I was at home and needed it and demonstrated inclusion. The world before and since did feel better to me knowing it was there.

I’ve been invited home before the renovations actually installed a couple of times to cook before the old one gets taken down. I plan to show Mum what she did for me. Being a foodie is not something you need to be able-bodied to enjoy, and with patient guests, you can cook in most places sitting down. I will enjoy that time in Orange. I will take lots of photos, so that I can show people the legendary kitchen and the fact it can be done. I will show Mum that her kitchen inspired me and cook up a storm to say thank you for the inclusion.

But it is time for the kitchen to be renovated. It is time. I just hope she puts in a powerpoint that I can reach.

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passage of time

Five

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Five years. People talk about five years like it’s a long time. It is, and it isn’t.

Five years ago today I started work back in Australia after what can loosely be described as “time away”. I re-entered the disability sector. I re-entered the Church (which in my case eventually included becoming a Catholic). Five years ago, I was single, and hurting.

I can remember waking up at stupid o’clock on the morning of 8 May. I have known for some three weeks then I would be starting in this job. I had in fact already been to a quarterly meeting the Thursday prior with one of my colleagues who I had known previously leaning back watching a slideshow demonstrating some of the problems that I would be dealing with. I suspect part of him was relieved that among his busy roles, someone else would be dealing with access–whatever that term means. However, it was still my first day in that role.

Anyway, all suited up, I arrived at work, on the early bus and was sitting outside a nearby church a little after eight o’clock. I had been asked not to start before 9:30 AM on that occasion. I remember feeling nervous.  I remember the sunshine. I remember trying to empty my head so that I could focus on the day. I also remember feeling powerful and having a real sense of the possible. As it turned out, a lot was possible. But I was still very naive in some ways as to what I was taking on. Who knows what a bit of extra knowledge would have done.

I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately. The wasting of it. The good use of it. The goals we set and forget. The goals we remember. The visions we have for which we have some responsibility, and those that are more esoteric.

Matt’s post on creating time for your life, was good for me. I started thinking about the passage of time. Then, at the conference, five articulate advocates were asked to share five ways that they hoped the disability sector would be different in five years. Ramp Up’s editor very articulately made the case that there was a lot more than five things that she wanted. It was the only time at the conference that I was close to tears (well no, but the only presentation that brought me close to tears).

In another part of my life–blogging  Danimezza shares powerfully and intimately the journey she has taken through time, including importantly the stuff we choose not to speak about on our blogs. You go girl! I’m proud to be a lurker on your blog. Blogging can be hard if you can’t be (or don’t want to be) classified as a particular “type” of blogger. I’m often just an “other”–a position I’m fairly used to.

I didn’t think today would be a review day. But I’m glad it is. In case you are interested tomorrow I will do my five things. But I want today to think about it.

 

What’s on your agenda for the next five years?

 

 

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tuesday tiny: not a dark mark

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I’m back studying again for all sorts of reasons and yet none at all.

I’m doing it online, but through a proper university here. I’m excited.

 

Especially when I get a mark of 93% on my first online exam this year.

And I know what I’m going to do for the essays due in the next two weeks.

Feel good about it.

 

 

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