So I was sitting at an inner city bus stop waiting for a bus. I was dressed well enough. In other words this time I was wearing shoes not uggboots — yes been guilty of that too. I was in slacks, jumper and trench. I’d even applied makeup. On my lap was my Oroton with much too much evidence that I’m addicted to stationary shops. I was reading my latest purchase; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
. Others were around. Standard day really. A woman (50 ish, nice face, unremarkable) walked past. I noticed her legs over the edge of my book. She then doubled back without going very far.
Before I knew it she had thrust a rolled up $10 in my left hand. I looked up and I think the first word out of my mouth was “What?” Not all that polite I get that. But I was embarrassed and nervous about how I must look to elicit such generosity.
I looked up at the kind stranger — putting on my most “I’ve got it together” face and smiled. I was ready for pity. I was ready to go in to education mode and reassure her that I am a woman of means despite the cracks in the upholstery of my rented chair. But I saw none of that. If anything I just saw respect, or genuine good will.
Ok. But $10?
” I’m really fine, promise. Thank you, I don’t need this”.
“I know that” she was not alarmed that I had made the protest, nor was she swayed by my lack of need. She didn’t seem to be donating as much as gifting.
“go buy yourself a chocolate”. This was a gift of indulgence. Of acknowledgement not pity or need.
At that point I smiled. Was my weakness for thinking and coping with an intensely difficult month by sitting with a dark hot chocolate all over my face! The wiring in the chair would not have given me the option in that late afternoon. But still I prepared to try again to refuse.
But she was gone. The blue note looked up at me now in the top of the bag just inside enough to keep it safe. I wasn’t ready to put it in securely with my other notes. It wasn’t mine.
Later when the Disability Discrimination Legal Centre called for membership dues of $10 my blue note was the first on the table. Not chocolate maybe but a good way to go.
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