I am having my first RDO today. I need it. I have been feeling under amazing pressure lately. I struggle even now to work out the words to describe it. So I won’t force it.

I am spending it rugged up, listening to Tibetian music. Trying to be still. Tried a meditation today. It has been a long time since I “sat”. My mind wandered but yes I feel more peaceful I think and more aware. gong-burmese1

I think I feel overwhelmed partly by the space. There is very little order and perhaps less choice. I need a sanctuary. I wonder if it is a vicious cycle involving a fair dose of laziness and a lack of even basic discipline or perhaps deliberate busy-ness.

There is a harshness, a strictness brewing too which is unusually strong and unkind in its output. An anger that seems too close for comfort. a pervasive aching of the temples. Add to that many strange contradictions, most notably a bizare duality of a drive to rest and curl up in bed and yet as soon as I do a need to get up and be busy.

The first step, read. The second, make this place a sanctuary.

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